I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are a genius and a whore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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