Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
