oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize