I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
