i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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