I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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