There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
