Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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