So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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