she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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