I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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