the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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