I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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