I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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