So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
