Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has the fingertips of a God
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