just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
