her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize