i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
