While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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