Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
