i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
