do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
