don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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