You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize