hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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