btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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