And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
