I got chris browned last night
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
