just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
