I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
