They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
