just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
