He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
