Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
