remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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