Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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