i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude. I can hear the air.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
