I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
