Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
