Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
