dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
