Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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