I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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