She is in my trunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
