I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
