is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
