i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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