just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
