On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
