you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
