Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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