It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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