Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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