I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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