i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have post one night stand depression
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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