Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
