i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
