mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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