More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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