2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
